Happy new year, Magellan!
This is the song I wake up thinking of this week (and for the past few as well).
May I first mention, I love love love your taco project. And tacos in general. And pizza and mac and cheese so basically I have the dietary habits of a seven-year-old boy.
This year, my resolution is to use my powers for good. I am still trying to figure out what that means, but I know that I want to figure out how to use the passions I have, the skills that I posses and the basic wit that just won’t quit to put my own stamp of good into the universe.
I heard a quote I really liked on KEXP but then when I looked it up I think it’s Steve Jobs, so not sure I feel about it but here it is (something along the lines of ): “If you aren’t going to put a dent in the universe than what’s the point of being here?”
The end of 2017 eerily echoed 2016. I found myself driving across state lines in prairie states. I ate and slept beside friends and family members whom I had ended and started the previous cycle with. The temperature progressively dropped with each leg of my Midwest trip.
Kansas City was cold as balls.
There is a hint of unease I continue to carry with me as I dive into 2018, but I have to believe that it is the good kind. A flurry of buzzing moths, circulating in the depths of my belly. I say this, as I believe that maybe for the first time I can see that light at the end of the tunnel. (As Plato suggests, can you go back into the cave once you’ve seen the light? I’m not so sure one can).
I have started this incredibly challenging project at work. I never believed that I’d find a cause I deem important while finding a way to implement something I really love (the polaroids- not the transportation solutions). The process of uncovering a way to connect all the avenues is nearly as exciting as actually making the ads, and writing the copy and tying it all up in one elegant package.
Can I pull it all off? Emoji shrug, but I can pull some of it off and hopefully I’ve laid the groundwork to execute the plan. It’s exciting, I’m finding just how connected everything is.
Another thing is I have found a human who is weird, thought provoking, handsome and incredible in all the right ways.
Like, what if he wakes up and realizes this weird, thinks-to-much headintheclouds slightly forlorn thirty-something with a tiny chip in her shoulder and equally small-sized hole in her heart is not what he wants?
I mean, that’s always the fear. Isn’t it?
But I’m not (nor will I) going to tamper that down. At the end of the day it doesn’t do you any good to pretend to be a different version of yourself.
Writing this is likely to jinx it all, but I’m going to go ahead and do it anyway.
A few days after my art show last July I had that art show and I met a man but I didn’t know it then. Later, there were a few dates that didn’t lead anywhere, but were pleasant enough.
But slowly, I would find this man at parties or functions, and we would be the last two people standing in the kitchen, trying to out do each other with names for types of dumplings.
And then it was the National and a giant, “well maybe, why not?”
Then, my fake friends fake birthday when I felt the air change.
Now, it’s turning into a human I miss when I don’t see for a few days. It’s coffee that makes one talk too much, and board games played in striped pajamas. It’s a reassuring hand on my knee under the table and waking up in a blanket taco. It’s finding my place to put (and fill) a dent in the universe.
It’s nice. It’s scary. So much optimism. Glass is halfway to overflowing.
Taking it slow.
I know it (it being life, the big bad wolf I’m trying to tame) has felt like it’s taking too long to get going, but maybe while I was trying to figure part of it out it went ahead and started. ( I mean, it’s taken generations to tame the foxes in Sibera to be pet-worthy).
I feel different than I used to. I lie awake trying to figure out how to pull the campaign off. Or, I fall fast asleep to the steady breathing of someone that feels right in a way that has never happened before. Things are possible, again and I’m seeing the lines and the dots that connect the world together through time, and space.
Trying to move slow. Easing on the pressure of it having to be anything, but enjoying that it could be.
Living in the moment. I tend to worry about tomorrow too much.
I don’t know Magellan. I could use a positive year. So far, so good and we’re already eight days in.
All the men of faith,
And men of science, have their questions.
Could it ever be on Earth,
As it is in heaven?