Your heart felt good it was drippin’ pitch and made of wood

Magellan,

I missed my Sunday letter again, so I’m writing you this one on Monday. I can’t believe that tomorrow is the election. What’s it like over there? Are people paying attention? Are they laughing at us? It’s so repulsing to me that he who shouldn’t be named has made it this far.

I honestly just don’t get it. I want to make a flow chart to tell people how to vote. It would look like this:

Have you ever met a woman? > yes> don’t vote for Trump

> no > DO YOU LIVE ON FUCKING MARS?

 

Very simple. I just don’t get how someone can have so much hate in their heart. I have friends and family of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and gender identities and orientations. Some of the kindest, most giving people that I know who actively share their time, talents and money with their communities are Syrian and Mexican immigrants. I’ve lived in cities that are beautiful, diverse places. I’ve gone to Planned Parenthood for a routine check-up. Even when my shit was smeared on rock bottom I paid my taxes. It’s just gross. How can we as a nation of people have worked so hard towards equality across all boundaries only to let that man get even close to the position that represents us to the world?

On another note, this weekend was my roommate’s birthday. On Friday we went to the UW symphony. I really miss playing music. I don’t have many regrets, but one might be choosing to play the flute back in fifth grade. I wanted to play the drums! (I did manage to be first chair, so, brag). My roommate is an interesting soul. Sometimes I think we are genuine friends, like she would be one of the people in my wedding if I were ever so lucky to find the right partner but then sometimes I don’t know. I know she is struggling with a lot of the same things I am at the moment, and I suppose we all deal with things in our own ways.

I got some very good news at the end of last week. One of the jobs I’m most excited for the potential of is still interested in me, and is bringing me in next week for a five-hour interrogation. Obviously, I’m going to spend the week prepping and thinking of the most eloquent ways to answer the types of questions that they are likely to ask. I’m nervous/excited/terrified because this is the first job I’ve found that actually feels like it could be an incredible step towards a career I actually want. I feel like I could learn so much and push myself to be the best version of myself that I have ever been. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I just felt like when I read the job description that the position was meant for me. I hope I connect with the team and the feeling is mutual, and I can do something that excites and inspires me from the moment I wake up until my head hits one of the six pillows on my bed.

On yet another note, I have decided to give up internet dating for the time being. I’m just not connecting with the people I meet. I’ve also started doing more things, and truth be told I like how full my life is starting to feel. I have friends who make me laugh. I have places to give my time. I have projects to stir my creative juices. I just have to believe if I keep doing these things that make me feel whole, someone else who is filling their life with good things will get to cross my path. As much as I feel the twinges of jealousy because it seems like everyone else is getting to those other life stages, I need to repeat my mantra of the grass isn’t always greener. It’s pretty damn green over here right now, and I should go walk around barefoot in it.

God, I’m terrified right now. These are some strange times. I am optimistic for so many things right now also… I hope you’re having an incredible time out there.

Yours,

N.

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