So good at being in trouble, so bad at being in love

Magellan,

It’s Monday (whoops).

But, it’s snowing. Glorious, blanketing fluffy snow billowing down from the heavens. I woke up at 5 to go running this morning, looked outside and saw the quiet covering and crawled back into bed. Needless to say, I overslept and made it in late to work. Only half the studio is in today, so it wasn’t really an issue. We just got epic sandwiches from Salumi and they were kinda the best thing I’ve put in my face for awhile.

How is life in California? Life here in Seattle is strangely good for the time being. I don’t even want to believe it is because I feel like everything was hard for so long, that these little things falling precariously into place couldn’t even belong to me. It’s as if I were to give in and admit that everything was sorting itself out that it would all come crashing down, hitting me in the mellon like a series of 10-pound snowflakes plunking me in the dome.

So, I do like someone and that is unexpected. Now I have to try not to be my usual overly direct and discerning self that tends to scare people away from the get-go. I don’t know how to do it. Let’s be real. I’m one of the weird ones. This one feels different though. Can’t tell if it’s because it really is or that I want it to, but all I know is I don’t want to fuck it up (I will). I’ve tried to be as honest about myself to this person as one can. I figure why pretend to be someone you’re not. Just dial down the crazy from a 7 to a 4.

Just kidding. Pretty sure I just tanked this one via text message.

OOH! I figured out the novel I want to write. Started it last night. I’m 807 words into it. Over the weekend I went Goodwill-ing and acquired about 12 books. I have read two of them in the past few days, and I must have found the right inspiration. GAH! So much excite. It’s been here, all along. I didn’t know how to start or the timeline to follow. Last night as I was trying to fall asleep it finally clicked so I flipped on my bedside lamp and wrote the first few pages. EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED. It has to be. No matter which route you choose at the fork in the road, every decision influences the choices you make later. I’ve always known that life is cyclic, it just hasn’t been until recently that I’m beginning to see how it all fits together.

It’s still snowing. Fluffy, wet half-inch-sized flakes spiraling towards earth at a 45 degree angle. I love the snow. It inspires a youthful optimism about the world and the passing of time if only for a moment.

Yours,

N.

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