And it feels like I’ve been with you but, oh, what did you you do and where have you gone

Magellan,

Hey you. I had one of those glorious morning runs today. It started out in the dark, and it was misty. I always stop running at the fire hydrant at the top of my street to reduce the pressure on my body as I amble down the way towards my house. There is a house with a grand cat tree in the window, and the pane itself is framed by LED holiday lights. I have dubbed that cat that hangs out on the perch Larry, and this morning he was sitting there, and it made me happy.

The sky is starting to get lighter earlier. I’m ready for more daylight.

It’s been a weird week month year life. And that’s ok.

I think I miss you and I don’t even know you.

Do you ever wonder how attached to our own solitude we get? I know as a runner that my jaunts out into the world are pure alone time, and I love them. I worry that I like my alone time too much.

I had a really good moment with my friend Anh last weekend. I think we’ve both spent a lot of our lives trying to understand the meaning of it all. I was feeling a bit soggy, but he said “Why don’t you make a list of all the things you want to do. Then do them.” Eureka. So easy. So obvious.

Sometimes you just need someone to plink you in the forehead.

Yesterday, a friend texted me that he felt like he was bored, stuck in Groundhog Day. A movie, ironically that was filmed in my hometown. I asked what he was going to do to change that.

Today I asked myself, what am I going to do to change that. I had a really nice thought while I showered that I am in fact, not afraid to change things. It takes time, to figure it all. First you have to be able to articulate what it is you want to do. Then, you have to plan. Then action. Quelling my impatience is the hard part. Also maybe, finding the words to explain what I want to do. I’m good on the action- it’s just getting to that point.

Guess what I think I’m gonna do?! (You have to wait, but it pretty much screams mid-life crisis. I mean, maybe more of a “Shit I’m turning 32 very soon”).

They let me write the things at work! It’s great!

There is a music festival in Denmark in August and I want to go and you should go with me. K?  (On my list of things I want to do). I can meet you there, or somewhere in between. I have 13 vacation days (plus 4 if you count bookending weekends) after mid May. I’m pretty good at the budgeting (don’t tell anyone) so I can figure out how to get there. The National is supposed to be there and some other good stuff.

Think I’m about to buy a car. I’m ready to road trip the fuck out of the Pacific Northwest. Do I go Subaru, or just get the Kia Soul of my dreams. I really just want a Kia Soul so I can get a vinyl decal that says “#gotthatkiasoul” also, I want a shrug emoji stick figure with a cat on each side. I think I pretty much should stick to my plan of being as ridiculous as responsibly possible. (Plus, I can afford to get a new Kia while a new Subaru will take years to pay off. Although, one of my tattoos is the Pleiades which is technically Subaru…)

If I got a Subaru I’d only be a girlfriend and a golden retriever away from every PNW stereotype ever.

Anyways, should get back to work. Sorry I missed Sunday. And then Monday. I think of you often.

Yours,

N.

 

 

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