Went to the porch to have a thought

Magellan,

Sorry, sorry. Missed Sunday, as per usual this summer. Missed Monday. Missed Tuesday. (Jebus, I know, right). Happy Wednesday, though where you are it’s probably nearly Thursday already.

So, what’s new?

Ice age, heat wave, can’t complain
If the world’s at large, why should I remain?

Well, ok. I’ll go. I guess I accidentally got a job. (Yay?). So perhaps I’ll stay a little longer. I’m feeling a little ambivalent about it. Found myself a marketing manager position. I have to drive to Redmond (gross). Ironically, it is for an organization based on providing commuters transportation options.

I really don’t know if this job will make me happy. It’ll probably be cool for the first 3 months and then I’ll hate my life again. I’d like to have another creative job of my dreams but I like paying my rent and bills more… (and you know, money to travel and there is the matter of my taxes which apparently I never paid thank you not TurboTax).

So. Meh.

You don’t know where and you don’t know when
But you still got your words and you got your friends
Walk along to another day
Work a little harder work another way

On a happy note- I’M SHOWING MY POLAROIDS AND IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Holy Toledo, I didn’t realize how many people I have met in Seattle. It’s pretty neat to think I’ve only been here for less than three years. So many faces.

All to think. I met one friend on OK Cupid and now he is not only the reason I even considered the move to Seattle, but one of my best friends. And my other friend who I should have met on OK Cupid but didn’t meet until a year later when I walked into a brewery in the middle of the afternoon and then he decided (well, clearly had already set the wheels in motion) to travel the world so I started a pen pal project. And now that brewery is letting me have an art show.

Shit. I’d sign up for OK Cupid again (third times the charm anyone) but jebus, that app stresses me out.

Maybe one day I’ll find the right person to be excited about.

I like songs about drifters, books about the same
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane
Walked on off to another spot
I still haven’t gotten anywhere that I want
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow?

I decided I needed to mix up my chi and rearranged my room. (Very interesting, I know). It’s worked so far. If I’m only looking for one small miracle a day- job yesterday, who knows what today will bring.

On a sad note- Grandma Ruby had a heart attack. Today she is undergoing bypass surgery. Looks like I’ll be taking an unplanned trip to the Midwest soon. I’d have left already but I have the art show and guests coming to town this weekend.

WHY IS IT THAT LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YER BUSY MAKING PLANS??

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights
Adding their breeze to the summer nights
Outside water like air was gray
I didn’t know what I had that day
Walk a little farther to another plan
You said that you did, but you didn’t understand

So, what about my dreams to move to Kansas City you ask?

Maybe in a year or so. I want to open a bar with my friend Katie. Need to find/make some start up money first. Hopefully I can keep this job longer than four months. The idea of starting over again so soon really stressed me out.

I know that starting over’s not what life’s about
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn’t hear my mouth

I have no idea what is going on with my life. I surrender, universe. Ask me again in a week.

Yours,

N.

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