I see a mountain at my gates, I see it more and more each day

Magellan,

Mountains been out a lot lately. What do you suppose that means? I like to think it means it’s going to be a good day. But, I also told myself the day I got laid off from the previous job.

Speaking of jobs, looks like I got one. I am once again tethered to this place. I think that is okay, at least for now.

I see a mountain in my way
It’s looming larger by the day

Adam and Alex came to visit from DC, which was nice. I tried to show them all my favorite Seattle places. Managed to take Adam to all the places he wanted to go. AND, I arranged for my other friends to take us all on a sunset boat ride and it was the best.

Art show went off without a hitch! Polaroids looked great all grouped together. I was pleasantly surprised with how many of my friends managed to stop by. A dude I was talking to on Tinder stopped by as well. (Yas, I grabbed a polaroid of his face). Oh, even my old (first Seattle) boss and his son made it to my show.

I feel like I’m cheating with my portrait collection, like it’s not really art. But I still love it.

Oh, gimme some time
Show me the foothold from which I can climb
Yeah, when I feel low
You show me a signpost for where I should go

I just don’t know, Magellan. Now my house is empty as my friends have left. With the show over, I’m not sure what project to work on next. I’m relieved to have some time before I have to start working, but worried I’ll waste it.

It was nice to have the sense of purpose I felt while preparing for the show. I had the bonus of walking around the neighborhood and talking with people about the show and taking their photos. I got to both meet and photograph people, many I see often. I also got to build the frames to display the photos. There is something about that part of the creation process that is just as rewarding as whatever you are making. Giving your work the right kind of home is important.

I see a mountain at my gates
I see it more and more each day
And my desire wears a dark dress
But each day, I see you less

It would be nice to live with more certainty, but then that wouldn’t be my life now would it?

(But man are there some fun but confusing monkey wrench moments in there).

As for now- I guess I do this job, I learn some things and grow and that kind of shit. I keep trying to do the things I love, like capturing tangible moments on film, and maybe in doing these things I love I’ll find that allusive beast in a living, breathing heart-beating human and finally fucking wrangle it.

I’m tired of going it alone.

Yeah, gimme my way
Gimme my love
Gimme my choice…

Magellan, I just don’t know. Ask me again in a week.

Yours,

N.

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