I’m the last man runnin’

Magellan,

Greetings from beautiful Redmond.

How’s it going. I’ve been working for just over a week and let me tell you I like it not one bit.

Actually, it’s good to be back in society but ask me again in a week. Right now I am sitting alone in an office in case people want to come and pick up shirts from a “Tour de Redmond” event. Except I’ve been watching a lot of Sherlock and am pretty convinced I might get murdered being here on my own.

But such is life.

Guess what. I’ve decided to become the boyfriend I’ve always wanted. I’m gonna play hockey! First, I need to learn how to skate, but really. I’m pretty pumped.

Don’t know why I need you, I don’t need anyone
Don’t know why I need you, I don’t need anyone

So I’ve started running early in the morning which, now that the haze has cleared means one thing- glorious sunrises. Today was the first day I got to see a sunrise. Finally and it was incredible. Running in the morning makes me terribly happy. I find myself becoming a crab if I can’t get one in.

When I’m down on my luck, show me a good time
When I’m hot as a match, give me a punching bag
How we walk along the dock and watch the shadows fall
The crying gulls and I cry even more

I’m continuing my surrender to the universe. It beats wallowing or worrying.

Last Friday I was supposed to meet someone out but she ended up blowing me off. But, I had a really lovely time and made some new friends. Sometimes a person is just supposed to be alone.

And in the northern light
Our directions swing together
Oh, I was wrong – I was right
Our directions swing together

The commute has not yet been as bad as I was anticipating. Granted, I’m on the road by 7 am every morning. It takes a little longer on the way home. But, I think If I put in four 10 hour shifts I’ll be able to take Fridays off and that is just about the best damn thing I’ve ever heard.

I don’t know, Magellan. This is not where I thought I would be six months ago- heck even three. But, it’s what I got right now and it’s not the worst. Lonely, yes at times. Bored- once in a while but I can find a trail to run or a book to read. Relieved to have income once again (though I won’t believe it until that first paycheck hits).

Just got to make it 359 more days and I can justify planing my next retirement- and maybe the move to KC.

Or maybe I’ll stay. Who knows.

Yours,

N.

Heaven is a switchboard that you want to fight

Magellan,

I guess this is it. The end of this session of retirement, that is. In about half an hour I will leave to drive to my new jobby job.

I wish I felt less… indifferent. But, you have to work the job to pay for the car to drive to your job, right?

Anywhoo, I am actually a little excited. I think I’m gonna learn a ton and test myself a bunch. And hopefully start rock climbing on my lunch break.

Yesterday I met my friend Ashley at Outlander Brewery so we I could stare at our friend Hot Pete. (Seriously. Go take a gander at him. He’s that hot I bet you’d sleep with him given the opportunity).

While we were sitting there, one thing became apparent. Ashley has met a boy. Where else but tinder. The more she gushed on and on the more I realized another thing.

it was totally a dude who I went on 2 dates with before he ghosted me.

I am way more miffed about it all today than I was yesterday. It’s not that I liked him and envisioned our lives together with 2.5 kids and the picket fence. It’s that he didn’t have the decency to say “Hey, I’m not feeling it,” and also that for some reason I’m a person people don’t feel an obligation to treat like a human.

I’ve never lied about wanting to find a partner, and the trials and tribulations of trying to date in my 30s. I’ve even touched on the fact that it seems when given the option between me and someone or something else- people choose that other thing.

And I just don’t get it. I do my best to be thoughtful for the people I care about. I try to do special things for each important person in my life. For the most part, I try to keep the boring, less fun shit inside (or limited to whiney letters to a penpal who never writes back).

When will someone pick me?

I have a really good friend, perhaps I even have feelings for him that are confusing. But since meeting me (and all my friends) he has had a crush on nearly every single (single) lady friend I have.

But not me.

I try to be as real as I can, because there is nothing worse than spending 2 or 3 years pretending to be someone you are not and then “Surprise, just kidding.”

I don’t know.

I’ve been running on and off despite the air quality warnings. At this rate (since I’ll likely die all on my lonesome) I’d rather go happy and with a banging body than with depression and diabetes.


Sky is burning
But at least we’re warm
Go and run yourself a million miles
Hoping that the colors run out

I’m trying really hard, Magellan I am. Trying to be the best person I can. Trying to be happy. For her sake, I hope this dude works out, and doesn’t ghost her the way he did to me. I know she needs someone in her life that can care for her.

I’m trying to take advantage of my alone time. I’m painting and writing and dreaming. (and running). I’m always always always trying to grow and learn about this crazy world we live in. Attempting to be gracious and courteous and kind.

But god damn if I’m not lonely as hell.

You can never see yourself
Ringing all around it
No one is on lake Michigan
You labored on, lake Michigan

I wish it would go away, but it nags at me in the middle of the night and all the daylight waking hours. (The only time I feel any sense of reprieve is when I’m- you guessed it, running).

So it’s the first day of the rest of my life! Will be good to be back around humans.

Can’t help but look forward to the day that someone will pick me.

Talk to you again in a week.

Not another payoff
Get off of my stack
Leave a little window
Get off of my stack
You know it won’t do
Get off of my stack

Yours,N.