Magellan,
You’ve been radio silent for about a week! Hope you are doing ok.
It snowed last week in Seattle! On Thursday I went in to my *new job* for a few hours and did a little orientation stuff and then I went to a networking thing. (Bleh, only went for the free snacks and drinks). Then, I met up with a few of the friends to watch Home Alone at Peddler. It was freezing, but then the most magical thing happened- SNOW! I was so, deliriously happy to dance around in the snow. I was little-kid excited. I guess I just really miss it, you know. Not the miserable coldness that freezes off your nose, but the big fluffy flakes that blanket everything.
Snow lasted all of 24 hours, now it’s gone. All that remains are a few lumps of what used to be snow people.
Last night I went to my new job’s holiday party. We were supposed to go bowling, but apparently there was an electrical fire nearby the place in West Seattle, so instead we went to a place in Chinatown, where one of the cofounders ordered ALL OF THE FOOD. I crushed the white elephant gifts. I’m so happy to have found this team. I think that it is going to be incredible working there. Everyone seems so kind, and creative and overall, happy. Being around happy people is vital.
Then, it was time to celebrate my fake friend Hector’s fake birthday. Last year we created this fictitious birthday to give Jenelle an excuse to leave her work holiday party early. Throughout the year we have all joked about how we were looking forward to Hector’s birthday. What a difference a year makes. I am super thankful to have this little group of friends, even if I am the only single one in the bunch.
I think for the first time in a long while, I feel happy. It’s like I’m going to jinx it by writing it for the world to see, but fuck. I’m happy. It took the entire first 2 years here find the right opportunity for income. It took the first year to find a group of friends. It took until now to feel comfortable on my own. I’ve never been afraid to be alone, but I’ve been afraid to be ok with it. I just know if I sat around waiting for someone else to complete me or even join me on all my adventures I’d just be sitting there, waiting. Does the fear that a “normal” life with a family or partner won’t happen for me exist? Absolutely but I’m not going to let it paralyze me.
I haven’t ran into the last guy I dated since we broke up. We met on the internet. When I was in Chicago for Alexandra’s bachelorette party I ran into an old roommate. She asked about him and when I told her I never run into hims she pointed out that maybe we just weren’t meant to be. I don’t think Seattle is that big of a place, but maybe she on to something. (Also, I just didn’t care for his friends. I found them less than inspiring). The universe works in strange, mysterious ways.
But now, here I am. Another week down. There was SNOW! And I don’t know how I did it but I fucking found my dream job, that comes with a team of kind, hilarious humans in a work family that I didn’t know I needed. Also! I found a pair of jean-colored jeans that fits perfectly. It all feels fucking right.
Yours,
N.
Letters to Magellan 